Complementarity: How the Bible Changed My View

I was first introduced to the idea of complementarianism (the idea that men and women were created equal in the image of God, but with unique, complementary roles in God’s creative design) in September of 2014.  I received a message one evening asking for me and my husband to come in to the church office on Friday morning that week.  During that meeting, Pastor Steve introduced us to the idea of complementarianism.  This was the first time that I had heard of this particular theology.  Pastor Steve briefly explained that complementarianism is based on the gender roles God laid out in creation.  He explained that, in order to truly teach through the Bible in the way he felt called to do, he needed to be able to have the conversation with the church leadership and come to agreement on the model WEC (Water's Edge Church) would use.  For instance, in order to teach that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church and to teach the submission taught in Ephesians 5:21-33, the church leadership should be modeling the same relationship(s).  I left that meeting confused.  Pastor Steve made it seem so simple but my brain was on information overload.  Obviously if I bought into this complementarianism, there would be some major impacts on me since I was currently serving on the elder board.  I’ve grown up around guys and I don’t like being told what I can and cannot do, especially not if the reason was because I’m a girl, so the idea that this complementarian model would necessitate me stepping down, just because I’m female, didn’t sit well.

In October 2014, just after my meeting with Pastor Steve, the Elder board started diving into what the Bible says about women in ministry.  We decided as a group that we would take several months to study the issue together and individually and come to a consensus on whether we believed this was the true Biblical model that WEC should be following.  It was decided that no elders would be stepping down in 2014 as a result of this study but that all elders would continue into 2015 while continuing to seek the Lord’s guidance.

Early on in my studies I read a book (Women in Ministry: Four Views) where four evangelical Christians presented their arguments for and against the four major views of women’s roles in church leadership: traditional, complementarian, plural ministry, and egalitarian.  These arguments focused on the New Testament passages surrounding this issue: 1 Corinthians 11:2-16, Galatians 3:28, Ephesians 5:21-33, and 1 Timothy 2:8-15.  I found all of these arguments confusing because I could see valid points on both sides of the discussion.  The complementarian view seemed valid if you focused on the creation agreement used in 1 Timothy 2, but the egalitarian (full equality) view focusing on Galatians 3:28 was very appealing to justify not having to change the way I was currently living.  It seemed to me that it all depended on which passage(s) you chose as the basis of your argument.  The question became which passage was the correct one to base my position on.  I struggled with buying in to the idea that the New Testament passages were the final say on this topic.  I just couldn’t get over the fact that Paul seemed to contradict himself if you read the passages individually.  Then I found a sermon series from The Village Church’s Matt Chandler called A Beautiful Design.  The series, based on Genesis 1-2, focused on God’s creative design for men and women.  This series did more for my understanding and acceptance of the issue than any other single source.  It led me to focus my study and my decision on Genesis, creation of man (men and women) in the image of God.

Through Genesis I saw it clearly presented that both men and women were in fact created in the image of God, giving them equal status as reflections of God, and that men and women were in fact given distinct roles when they were created.  Once I truly understood the idea that God created men and women equally, but with different roles, I found that the New Testament passages made more sense.

When I started studying this issue, as a female in church leadership, I had to find a reason that made sense to me as to why I was no longer allowed to hold my position.  The arguments made by Paul in his letters just weren’t enough for me.  But seeing God’s original design laid out in Genesis, how he designed men and women, that made sense.  I could get onboard with all of Paul’s teachings if I read them in light of Genesis.  Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”  Both men and women are equally a reflection of the image of God.  That lines up with Galatians 3:28.  Genesis 2:15 says that “The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”  Man’s responsibility was to work and keep the Earth.  Then in verse 18 it says “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.’”  So the woman was created to be a “helper fit for” the man.  The word used for “helper” in Genesis is used often in the Old Testament for how God is our Help.  That means that being a helper is not inherently an inferior role because obviously God is not inferior to man.  Finally getting this, understanding that being the helper isn’t an inferior role, was important.  I couldn’t accept having a lesser role just because I’m a woman.  That never seemed fair to me.  But I realized after reading Genesis that being a helper in this sense can actually be a greater role.  The job of the helper is to assist the person with primary responsibility do something they cannot complete on their own.  Women were created as helpers to men because men could not complete the duties God gave them on their own.  God designed us so that we needed each other, men and women together reflecting his image as two halves of a whole.  I realized that as women, we actually have a great responsibility to encourage our men, to assist them in the home so they can lead the family, and to assist them in their leadership of the church with whatever support they need.  It’s our job to be the backbone of support so that they can lead confidently knowing that we are behind them.  On the other hand if we are trying to take the leadership from them, we are taking away their God-given right to “work and keep”.  We are hindering their ability to truly reflect their half of the image of God because they cannot fully perform the work they have been given.  I know this is something that I have been guilty of and it is something that I am consciously trying to change.

For me the most important discovery in all of this was God’s design in creation.  The New Testament passages are important because they are still the Words of God.  And it is important to understand why Paul wrote about women being silent in church and women not being permitted to hold authority over men.  It’s important to understand that “there is no male and female” when it comes to our salvation.  But if you truly look at Paul’s arguments, they all go back to Genesis and the way God designed the relationship between men and women.  It’s not a cultural issue like many people want to make it.  It doesn’t really matter that today’s culture says men and women should be equal in everything meaning exactly the same.  God created us with specific roles in mind.  Just because culture wants to change that doesn’t mean we can go back on God’s design.  In the Matt Chandler series he points out several times that Christian or not, you cannot deny the facts that if men are present and step up and lead, everything flourishes, but if men are not in the picture, things fall apart.  Men were designed to lead, both in the home, and, as a reflection of the marriage relationship between Christ and the church, in the church as well.  Women were designed to be helpers, to assist the men in their responsibility to lead, but not to take the leadership role away.

It all hinges on this: do we believe what the Bible says about God’s creative design, or do we listen to what culture says about equality of the sexes?  Whose plan do I truly want to follow?  God’s plan that leads to flourishing?  Or culture’s that leads to fitting in?

Slingshots and Smooth Stones

Today is the first day I've been back in the office since returning from Honduras. I walked in, turned on the light, and placed my bag in its usual spot as I prepared to open up my laptop and get cranking on the hundreds of e-mails I received while I was away. (Forgot to turn on my out of office reply. Whoops!) 

When I sat down in my chair, I immediately noticed a slingshot that someone had placed on my desk. I don't know where it came from. It definitely has a more primitive look than the wrist-rocket my dad gave to me long ago. It reminded me of David. Not that David. Not the King of Israel that slew Goliath as a young man armed with a slingshot and five smooth stones. But David . . . the twelve year old Honduran I have grown close to in my past two trips to that country.

I'm still processing all that the Lord was teaching me on that trip. But I do know this. The one moment that left an indelible mark on my heart was when I had to say "hasta luego" to David. He was seated alone on the bench just outside Pastor Daniel's home. It was a seating area to which our team had become well acquainted. The bus was ready to go. The bags had all been loaded.

I sat down next to David. No one said a word at first. We both just began picking up and tossing small stones at a nearby target. A game we played often. However, there was a different feeling in the air. I broke the silence when I told him in Spanish that I was going to miss him. He looked at me and without saying a word he gave me a big hug. He held on a little tighter than the night before when our team said our good-byes to everyone at the Friday night church service. As I pulled him back to speak again, I saw that some big tears had welled up in his eyes and had begun to drip down his face. And then it hit me.

David is positioned to my left in this picture. 

These are real relationships that we're building.

These people matter to us. David's life matters to me. And we matter to them. The trips made by our church to the village of El Ocote aren't mere southern excursions, or a check in the box to say that we engage in international missions. It is a gospel partnership between two churches that want to advance the kingdom of God by making disciples and are doing our best to be "most passionate about what's most important."

People. Loving God. And loving people.

"And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, 'Which commandment is the most important of all?' Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these" (Mark 12:28-31 ESV, Emphasis added). 

The WEC Logo

We recently unveiled the new logo for the Water's Edge Church in Virginia Beach. The feedback has been really positive, so I thought it would be good to jot down some of the inspiration and meaning behind what is essentially a very simple graphic design.

When we decided to go ahead and pull the trigger on the "rebranding" process, it was important that our key leadership understood that it was about more than just a logo. We believe strongly in the vision of WEC and want to be intentional in how we communicate that vision. A logo is just one piece of the puzzle. Everything we say out loud, print on a page, hang on our walls, or share on social media, says something about who we are. We wanted to make sure we were sending the right message. After sharing our vision with another local pastor, he was gracious enough to use his creative mind and design skills to help us in our process. (So thankful for kingdom-minded pastors that aren't solely concerned with "building their own kingdom"). 

The Water Drop - A Vision for Our Gathering

Mark chapter 4 describes a scene in the life of Jesus in which he was teaching next to a body of water. The number of people that gathered around him became so large that it was difficult for Jesus to address them all. As they pressed in on him, it is recorded that Jesus got into a boat "while all the people were along the shore at the water's edge" (Mark 4:1, NIV). Then, the Bible says, he "taught them many things."

I often think about who was in that crowd. Undoubtedly, people from all walks of life were present. Jesus was an intriguing figure. Everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of him. They wanted to hear what he had to say whether or not they agreed with him. The water drop that appears in our logo is a mosaic design. Each piece is different. Through the design, we are reminded of the diverse crowd Jesus attracted. We want to be a church where all types of people come to hear the teachings of Jesus; the saved, the seeker, and the skeptic. Jesus offers himself to all as "living water," and those who drink of it will never thirst again (John 4).

The water drop also resembles a piece of stained glass art. It reminds us that in Christ our brokenness can be made whole again. It demonstrates that we are not perfect, but are perfectly redeemed. The stained glass look also ties us back to the long history of the church. Stained glass images were used in churches not only for aesthetic purposes, but also to paint pictures of the biblical narrative in a time when illiteracy was highly prevalent. Through art and other creative expressions, we want to share the good news of Jesus Christ.  


The Circle - The Sovereignty of God

The circle around the water drop in our logo is designed to illustrate the sovereignty of God. Proverbs 8:29 says, "he assigned to the sea its limit, so that the waters might not transgress his command, when he marked out the foundations of the earth."

And . . .

"Do you not fear me? declares the LORD. Do you not tremble before me? I placed the sand as the boundary for the sea, a perpetual barrier that it cannot pass; though the waves toss, they cannot prevail; though they roar, they cannot pass over it." - Jeremiah 5:22

The circle serves as a reminder that God is in control through the good times . . . and the bad. We want to be a church that is willingly submissive to the plan and purpose of God. After all, we want to be a church that is most passionate about what's most important. 

A Look to Our Future

When a church pays off its mortgage some natural questions begin to form.  What are the implications for us having paid off our mortgage? How is the church going to be investing its resources now that we’ve freed some up? 

From left to right: Les Bush (Treasurer), Former Pastor Larry Messick,
Pastor Steve Roby (Current), and former Pastor Terry Rolen

We have an overarching vision at Water’s Edge to be a church that is most passionate about what is most important. Too many people take life for granted and fail to live each day as if it matters. If we’ve learned anything in the past couple of months walking through the book of Ecclesiastes, it’s that life is very brief. We have a limited amount of time on earth. I, for one, don’t want to waste it.

 So as we  “look to our future” we want to ensure that we are communicating our vision properly, what it means to gather at the water’s edge, what it means to be most passionate about what’s most important, and how we get there by making disciples through gospel-centered teaching, fostering a sense of gospel-centered community, and engaging our people in gospel-centered service both inside and outside of our walls.

Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint.” A clear vision not only helps map out a preferred future by informing what we do, it also informs what we don’t do. For example, if you have a vision for a preferred future of your physical body and health, it will not only inform your diet and exercise, but it also informs what you don’t put into your body. And if that vision is strong enough, it will serve to restrain you from veering off track. But where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint. Or perhaps, even when we simply lose sight of the vision, even for a time, restraint is cast off. The same is true with our personal finances. A lot of people have a preferred future of what life will be like when they retire. Or maybe you have a vision for your kids attending college without having to accumulate piles of student debt. Guess what? In order to get there, you have to fund that vision! This preferred future should restrain what you spend money on in the present. But again, where there is no vision the people cast off restraint.

It's easy to see why vision is important to how we steward our finances as a church. It informs both what we do and don’t do. We have to fund our vision. When the Free In Three (F.I.T.) campaign began 3 years ago, a “question and answer” brochure was passed out. One of the questions listed in the brochure asks, “What specifically is this campaign targeted to accomplish?” In addition to, of course, eliminating the debt, it says, “It is our hope to fund new ministry and be able to pay for maintenance or renovations as our buildings age.”

There are aspects of ministry vision that are ideological and there are aspects that are visible/tangible, like our facilities. When people walk through our doors, our facilities communicate something about who we are.

Facilities: We don’t want to just maintain what we have. We want to improve it by making some changes that help us better communicate our vision. We’ve formed a creative team at Water’s Edge that is actively working to map out a plan for our facilities. Some of that is going to begin this summer in the Oasis building, the home of our children and student ministry. This also includes the rebranding of our church with a new logo & color scheme that will be used throughout the facilities, as well as on all of our communication in print and online. This will serve to help us establish a stronger web presence through watersedgevb.com and other social media platforms. In our main building, it involves some much needed new carpet throughout, paint on the walls, some modern upgrades in lighting, as well as a desire to invoke a deeper sense of sacred space by installing some stained glass windows – (the scene of Jesus teaching at the water’s edge in Mark 4:1). It also involves the conversion of some of our space into a legitimate café that will help us promote our local and overseas mission work.

Ministry: Regarding the future of our ministry will have to exercise some restraint in our initiatives so we don’t compromise our simple model of making disciples through gospel-centered teaching, community, and service. We have some initiatives that are gearing up to launch a more robust men’s ministry in the fall, as well as an outreach and prayer ministry that we believe won’t compete with time given to our current ministry.

Funding ministry also means funding future staff members. We need more laborers who are called and given to vocational ministry.  The elders are considering a specific staff construct that could lead to the potential hire of two staff members (one part-time and one full-time).  We are excited to continue to dialogue with them as we seek the Lord’s will in building the church here in VB.

And lastly, we can’t be afraid to dream big. To be honest, the road that lies a head frightens me a bit and sometimes makes me question whether or not I can lead at the capacity the Lord is calling us to. Then I’m reminded that we have to believe we can do great and mighty things, not because we have confidence in ourselves, but because we have confidence in God and in His gospel to change lives. Can you imagine the city of Virginia Beach, every neighborhood, every street, every house, and every family affected by God’s love expressed through His people living “most passionate about what is most important”? I can.

Escape from Meaninglessness

             Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, and the most likely author for the book of Ecclesiastes, went through a whole life of trying to find meaning, and realized near the end of his time that, apart from God, all things are meaningless. I came to the very same conclusion during my high school years as the man who had everything a man could want, being a young, up-and-coming teenager in the world. I started to ask the very same questions, feeling very troubled when, time and time again, I would come up empty. 

“No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them.” – Ecclesiastes 1:11

Fame is the elusive goal that everyone seeks. I wanted to grow up and become someone famous, someone who is remembered. But then, I realized probably 99% of all people who have ever existed are gone from the memory of the world. Even those who manage to leave their names for posterity eventually become either a sport statistic or a one-sentence reference in a dusty history textbook. That didn’t seem like a desired nor realistic goal to accomplish in my lifetime. I was troubled. What else could I seek?

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desire; I refused my heart no pleasure.” – Ecclesiastes 2:10

            Well then, perhaps I could strive to live for the full enjoyment of my days. Go Y.O.L.O. (“You Only Live Once”) and get the most pleasure out of life. I became sexually promiscuous, both in body and in mind. I played video games, sports, and followed the most popular mainstream music. I chased after every form of entertainment possible, common or rare, socially accepted or frowned upon, healthy or addictive. Pleasure could not fill that empty void. There came a point where I continued craving more, and could not find the satisfaction I wanted.

“For the wise, like the fool, will not be long remembered; the days have already come when both have been forgotten. Like the fool, the wise too must die.” – Ecclesiastes 2:16

            Maybe perhaps I should become wise and a person who makes good decisions. But I realized I had no reason for doing it. I could choose to be good only in that it minimized pain and pleased my family, but pain is inevitable and family always demanded better of me. I didn’t have an objective, absolute reason to do the right thing no matter what. Only if it benefitted me directly would I choose to do something good. After all, if this life is all there is, we all were going to die at some point. It wouldn’t matter if I chose good or evil, because the same fate would await either path.

“What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless.” – Ecclesiastes 2:22-23

Ah! What about achievement? I could get to the top; become the best! I was a high honors student in high school; there was nothing stopping me from becoming the best at what I was good at. I would work hard day after day, studying non-stop, seeking to make the highest academic echelon, and dominating with victory after victory on every academic challenge that came my way. Very soon though, I became disillusioned when I noticed that no matter how much I achieved one day, I would have to get up the next day and do it again, or prove that I deserved it. It didn’t matter whether it was a test, an award, a title. A hamster wheel, it never stopped. It never would let up, the pressure, the burden of it all, until death came to swallow me up.

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.” – Ecclesiastes 5:10

            Money? I could become a rich man and have anything I could ever want! But wait, I was already rich. As an American, I was already more wealthy than 99% of the rest of the world. My parents raised me with the only financial advice they ever gave me – “Don’t worry about money, whatever you need, ask us.” In other words, I had all the money I needed. I could ask for money for almost anything I set my eyes on. My parents would not refuse me, because they wanted to make sure I lived a comfortable life, free from financial worry. But money proved to be a deceiver. Yes, I had the money I needed; I never had to work due to financial trouble. Wealth ultimately left me emptier, because money couldn’t fill that search for meaning.

“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.” – Ecclesiastes 7:2

            “Keith, you’re thinking too much. Just live life, stop thinking so morbidly.” Nearly every person I expressed my frustrations to could not give me a better answer than to just have fun, to be a good person, and to live life whatever way I wanted. Little did they know, I saw right through it. Everyone was living in the midst of intoxication – a sheltering illusion and distraction from the reality of life. I knew I was going to die no matter what I did, and that convinced me my deeds had no lasting value. I refused to be deluded. What others saw as a freeing manifesto for the unrestrained bucket-list life, I saw as a cop-out from any common decency or moral responsibility, a cosmic self-imposed deception.

“There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked get what the righteous deserve.” – Ecclesiastes 8:14

            Then why be good? What point was there to be a good person, to be nice, to care for others? What I saw, Solomon concluded similarly. In this world, if you choose to be altruistic and morally upright, sooner or later, someone will take advantage of you and throw you under the bus. Life doesn’t reward the good person; I knew plenty of examples where the morally apathetic thrived. Life was unfair, and there was often little to no justice in society.

“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them.’” – Ecclesiastes 12:1

I cried out to the universe, “What’s the point???” “Why bother living? I might as well end my life. I have nothing to live for. Everything is meaningless! Pleasure is the biggest swindler of humankind." Without something above and beyond that compelled me to live life to the fullest, my life was just a shadow, here today, gone tomorrow. I had everything – the girl, the games, the grades, the moral conscience, the sex, the money, the smarts, the health, and the reputation. Yet, I suffered immensely on the inside too; depression was my closest friend. An existential crisis rested on my shoulders.

            Then, I thought, what about God? I remembered the days of my youth when I learned about this God of the Bible, this Jesus person who died for me. If I had nowhere else to turn, then if God is out there, I must find Him.

“Now all has been heard: here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13

            After a fresh start in college, a reintroduction to the Scriptures, a passionate and purposeful community of Christians, and the philosophical sophistication of the arguments for the existence of God and the historical fact of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I found it … the reason for life. If Jesus did die for me and did rise from the dead, this life wasn’t all there was. And if God truly provides for me and insures ultimate justice at the end of all things, then becoming a good person has meaning. By surrendering to the depths of the divine, I found life. No, rather, I found Him. I found love. I found God. 

As the old hymn declares, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."