Escape from Meaninglessness

             Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, and the most likely author for the book of Ecclesiastes, went through a whole life of trying to find meaning, and realized near the end of his time that, apart from God, all things are meaningless. I came to the very same conclusion during my high school years as the man who had everything a man could want, being a young, up-and-coming teenager in the world. I started to ask the very same questions, feeling very troubled when, time and time again, I would come up empty. 

“No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them.” – Ecclesiastes 1:11

Fame is the elusive goal that everyone seeks. I wanted to grow up and become someone famous, someone who is remembered. But then, I realized probably 99% of all people who have ever existed are gone from the memory of the world. Even those who manage to leave their names for posterity eventually become either a sport statistic or a one-sentence reference in a dusty history textbook. That didn’t seem like a desired nor realistic goal to accomplish in my lifetime. I was troubled. What else could I seek?

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desire; I refused my heart no pleasure.” – Ecclesiastes 2:10

            Well then, perhaps I could strive to live for the full enjoyment of my days. Go Y.O.L.O. (“You Only Live Once”) and get the most pleasure out of life. I became sexually promiscuous, both in body and in mind. I played video games, sports, and followed the most popular mainstream music. I chased after every form of entertainment possible, common or rare, socially accepted or frowned upon, healthy or addictive. Pleasure could not fill that empty void. There came a point where I continued craving more, and could not find the satisfaction I wanted.

“For the wise, like the fool, will not be long remembered; the days have already come when both have been forgotten. Like the fool, the wise too must die.” – Ecclesiastes 2:16

            Maybe perhaps I should become wise and a person who makes good decisions. But I realized I had no reason for doing it. I could choose to be good only in that it minimized pain and pleased my family, but pain is inevitable and family always demanded better of me. I didn’t have an objective, absolute reason to do the right thing no matter what. Only if it benefitted me directly would I choose to do something good. After all, if this life is all there is, we all were going to die at some point. It wouldn’t matter if I chose good or evil, because the same fate would await either path.

“What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless.” – Ecclesiastes 2:22-23

Ah! What about achievement? I could get to the top; become the best! I was a high honors student in high school; there was nothing stopping me from becoming the best at what I was good at. I would work hard day after day, studying non-stop, seeking to make the highest academic echelon, and dominating with victory after victory on every academic challenge that came my way. Very soon though, I became disillusioned when I noticed that no matter how much I achieved one day, I would have to get up the next day and do it again, or prove that I deserved it. It didn’t matter whether it was a test, an award, a title. A hamster wheel, it never stopped. It never would let up, the pressure, the burden of it all, until death came to swallow me up.

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.” – Ecclesiastes 5:10

            Money? I could become a rich man and have anything I could ever want! But wait, I was already rich. As an American, I was already more wealthy than 99% of the rest of the world. My parents raised me with the only financial advice they ever gave me – “Don’t worry about money, whatever you need, ask us.” In other words, I had all the money I needed. I could ask for money for almost anything I set my eyes on. My parents would not refuse me, because they wanted to make sure I lived a comfortable life, free from financial worry. But money proved to be a deceiver. Yes, I had the money I needed; I never had to work due to financial trouble. Wealth ultimately left me emptier, because money couldn’t fill that search for meaning.

“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.” – Ecclesiastes 7:2

            “Keith, you’re thinking too much. Just live life, stop thinking so morbidly.” Nearly every person I expressed my frustrations to could not give me a better answer than to just have fun, to be a good person, and to live life whatever way I wanted. Little did they know, I saw right through it. Everyone was living in the midst of intoxication – a sheltering illusion and distraction from the reality of life. I knew I was going to die no matter what I did, and that convinced me my deeds had no lasting value. I refused to be deluded. What others saw as a freeing manifesto for the unrestrained bucket-list life, I saw as a cop-out from any common decency or moral responsibility, a cosmic self-imposed deception.

“There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked get what the righteous deserve.” – Ecclesiastes 8:14

            Then why be good? What point was there to be a good person, to be nice, to care for others? What I saw, Solomon concluded similarly. In this world, if you choose to be altruistic and morally upright, sooner or later, someone will take advantage of you and throw you under the bus. Life doesn’t reward the good person; I knew plenty of examples where the morally apathetic thrived. Life was unfair, and there was often little to no justice in society.

“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them.’” – Ecclesiastes 12:1

I cried out to the universe, “What’s the point???” “Why bother living? I might as well end my life. I have nothing to live for. Everything is meaningless! Pleasure is the biggest swindler of humankind." Without something above and beyond that compelled me to live life to the fullest, my life was just a shadow, here today, gone tomorrow. I had everything – the girl, the games, the grades, the moral conscience, the sex, the money, the smarts, the health, and the reputation. Yet, I suffered immensely on the inside too; depression was my closest friend. An existential crisis rested on my shoulders.

            Then, I thought, what about God? I remembered the days of my youth when I learned about this God of the Bible, this Jesus person who died for me. If I had nowhere else to turn, then if God is out there, I must find Him.

“Now all has been heard: here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13

            After a fresh start in college, a reintroduction to the Scriptures, a passionate and purposeful community of Christians, and the philosophical sophistication of the arguments for the existence of God and the historical fact of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I found it … the reason for life. If Jesus did die for me and did rise from the dead, this life wasn’t all there was. And if God truly provides for me and insures ultimate justice at the end of all things, then becoming a good person has meaning. By surrendering to the depths of the divine, I found life. No, rather, I found Him. I found love. I found God. 

As the old hymn declares, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."